I'm back with another post that probably could be expanded into a book! Matter fact, it has many times. I am specifically talk about marriage in light of what I just recently said about dating. So let's work from there and ignore all the things I have to leave out. Another assumption I have to write with is that you understand the "legit Christians" are those who are obviously pursuing Christ-likeness. There you go, enough of that!
I have seen legit Christians marry non-Christians before, and even improve the morality of their non-Christian partner. But oh my goodness, how can someone sold out to Jesus be really effective when they have to use plenty of energy to even get their spouse to church? And how do they raise kids with two different philosophies? If the woman is the legit one, the husband usually is apathetic and annoyed by his wife's energy. If the man is the legit one, the woman will drive her husband out of ministry 9 times out of 10 (once again, no statistical backup). It is career suicide. So let's talk about the ministry dynamic of marriage.
This is my absolute favorite quality in my fiancee, Amy. She is ministry-minded. She is beautiful, funny, and smart enough to attract my attention, but what hooked me was knowing her missionary heart. Now that's hot! Amy and I both agree that if one of us decides against vocational ministry, then we are done. Our ministries will work together and strengthen each other, not hinder them. She won't be a minister's wife, but a minister in her own right. You should only be dating people who have the same passion for ministry as you, and marry someone like that. A lot of ministers find themselves out there with pretty little ladies who really aren't that interested in ministry. And pretty little ladies get what they want. If they're out, you won't last long. When you fall out of ministry because of your spouse's apathy, in comes the bitterness. If you don't think so, you're crazy. You may miss your calling in ministry because you missed your calling in dating
Ask about each others' philosophy on things like raising children, handling conflict, doctrine, etc. Ask as many questions as necessary! More important than that is openness. I have seen several relationships end for a lack of openness and honesty. If you can't talk about things that may cause conflict you may have a pride problem or shyness problem. Either way, you are doomed to anger and bitterness if you can't be open. Amy and I started asking the question, "what're you thinking?" and as simple and accidental as that is, it has created opportunities to either lie or be open. Ask questions!
Lastly, the physical issues. A friend of mine said that perhaps we need to "prepare for sexual healing, rather than abstinence in our youth ministries." That may sound pessimistic, but that reality is upon us (insert the well-known stats here). Everyone I know is having to ask the question, "what all have you...done...physically?" to the girl/guy they're "talking" to. It's a very appropriate and necessary question now. [just realized this is more of a dating thing...that's ok, greatly affects marriage anyways] You have to proceed with caution when sexual sin is in the mix. I don't discount grace, second virginity, or the incredible renewal of the mind through recreation, but you have to be honest to your future spouse about what you've done. That way you both can begin to heal those scars together.
This was a tough post to write because 1. I'm not married yet, and 2. the purity issue is sensitive. My advice is that if you have stained your purity, find a partner who will heal you and help restore you through Jesus Christ. No one else can restore you, not a healthy relationship with a "great guy" or his love. Christ's love makes us whole again.
The point here is that dating has such an obvious effect on your marriage. Bad dating relationships are a sign that you will be a failure of a spouse if something doesn't change in your heart. Christ's supremacy is where it all begins (hmm, common theme of life perhaps?). When you are satisfied in Christ, then a lot of things clear up. Your marriage covenant is to reflect Christ's love for the church. That's a high calling.
Be praying now for your spouse; your children's spouses. Continue to pray for wisdom and humility. Find your spouse in God's Word before you ever see the person. I love you all, and I feel for all you out there struggling to find a real man/woman. Seek Proverbs 31 women and Ephesians 5 spouses.
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