Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit this, but I learned something about myself fairly recently. This is no small concept, but perhaps one that seems hard to have gone unnoticed for so long. I'm talking about righteousness, and salvation, and striving. I have begun to realize how independent I am. I sometimes think I'm doing just fine. There is something very subtle in a lot of peoples' mind, I think, that is a leviathan of a sin. Let's get right to it.
Who is keeping me from the brink of destruction? Who walks me along that fine line; that narrow path between salvation and death? If I'm honest with myself, and cut through the Sunday school answer, it's me. I have lived according to my goodness for a long time now. I think to myself sometimes that, "I had a decent sense of morals even before I was a Christian." Bravo.
If I am honest with myself I would do okay without Christ in my life. I would probably be a fine husband, father, worker, etc. I would live. I have even been able to manage my sins for long seasons at a time. Bravo. I don't know that I have ever been in need. Therefore, I don't know that I have ever had to actually rely on Jesus. But God has revealed something to me. Every season of sinlessness in my name was an utter failure. Even if I could live a sinless life, that would mean nothing if done in my name. That's what I've done. I've lived as my own savior. I have made myself the mediator.
Lecrae (one of my favorite theologians) said in a song "I can't see clear, but it ain't tears in my eyes- it's sweat pouring down from all the years that I tried to be my own savior. Said I'd never fail, but never had the righteousness it took to save myself." Listen Here. As elementary as that sounds, I really have been living by the sweat of my brow and work of my hands. I have more faith in my bank account than in the provision of my God who has never left me lacking what I needed. And my sin? I tried to kick it like a smoker. I actually made a tally of everyday I went without different sins. I've never laid down my struggle.
In another really convicting, highly recommended song by the 116 Pastor Leonce Crump II says, "[Manning up] is not simply managing our sin. That's not what it means to be a man, because you can try harder, and you can do better, and you can hang on longer. That's not manning up! Manning up is our ability to lay down all of our effort, and all of our trying, and all of our strength and say, 'I trust in Jesus! I trust in his perfection, I trust in his power, and I trust in his resurrection. Because He's the only one that can get me through this, and He's the only one that can make me free!'" And the end of Lecrae's earlier line says "So this is where I turn, confess, believe that Jesus is the only savior I will ever need. I repent tonight!"
That's the truth. You and I need to lay it down. I think if you are honest with yourself, you might find this chaos in your life as well. We keep trying to save ourselves and that will lead us right to the grave. We cannot earn his grace no matter what. That is probably the most difficult thing for us to truly grasp about grace, it is absolutely unattainable by our works. We cannot even meet him half way.
Now I could do okay without Christ in this life, but I will die and stand before the throne and have to take account for my pride, and I would then be judged by the deeds that I desired to save me. I would condemn myself even in my good deeds. Instead I live my life with higher quality than money could ever buy. I am on a mission. Keep praying with me and for me. We need to lay down our effort to save ourselves, and pick up the Word. Let's dive into his will for our lives.
I am ready to give up. I think in doing so I will do greater things for the kingdom's sake. In his name, by the blood, sweat, and tears of Jesus.
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