2009

Many of us think about the past and what we would change if we could. I can't change anything,  but I do know what I would change. I was a junior in high school in 2009, and I didn't stray from my faith or anything, but I would say that 2009 held many of my deepest regrets. If I could write a blunt and totally honest letter to myself, this is what it would say. Perhaps you can learn from my mistakes.

Dear self,
 It's me, well...you. I'm am writing to you on Sept. 15, 2012. I want to let you know what you are about to do. Playing football was fun, right? You're knee is going to poop out, so I hope you had fun pretending to be a tough guy. You've been a Christian for about 3 years now, and you think you've got it together. Allow me to tell you how wrong you are.

You are the equivalent of a spiritual toddler, and you are going to make some toddler-esque mistakes. You think that you have to get out of high school so that you can pursue the "real thing."You're desire is to give up some of the potentially most fruitful ministry opportunities you will ever get. While you are worried about going to Ozark and experiencing "real Christianity" you are missing everything important.

You are self-righteous, pretentious, and easily indignant and jaded. Your piety and zeal are misplaced at best. While you turn your nose up at your peers, they are dying. And your youth group? You think you're leading them, but they aren't being discipled. Your dear friends are going to hit a wall in college and many of them will fall hard. If only you could re-focus!

 Stop looking down and your classmates and show them the love of Christ! You are showing them that Jesus doesn't want anything to do with them, and that they are unworthy to be in your presence. You have to be more intentional with your friends because you are going to regret it later if you don't. If you only knew where some of your friends are headed... You are going to try and make up for lost time next year, but you will have burnt too many bridges and disconnected with too many people. You are going to toss away the time and ministry that God has granted you...I beg you, don't do it.

The good news is that the beautiful girl you are dating is going to be your wife someday. You are going to love it! However, you have to prepare yourself now. You have to stop looking at that crap on the internet, because you're going to have to tell her one day and it will break her heart. Ironic...looking down on your peers for being promiscuous, then you go and consume that same thing on the internet. You know why? Deep down you are jealous that you don't get to do the stuff they're doing, so you make believe. You are making wounds on your heart that take a long time to heal. Ask God to renew your mind, because you are a hypocrite.

Don't let anyone tell you that you are being too serious, because that is horrible advice. You aren't serious enough. You don't understand the seriousness of your actions (or lack of). You aren't just acting grown-up, don't worry what people say. You may be weird, but you aren't acting. You do need to enjoy your short years in high school more, but you do need to remember that you are fighting for lost souls, and that isn't a game.

Strengthen your friends! Sam and Eric will stay your best friends and will fight at your side, encourage them every chance you get. Their faith will inspire you, but there is no reason that you three can't do big things now! You can do a lot more than you give yourself credit for. Stop waiting to start ministry; ministry started the second you accepted Christ. Stop pretending you are a martyr and get to work.

Fight for holiness, strive for Christ-likeness, and love people because they need to see it from you! You suck at empathy, so work on that. You are "wiser" now than I will ever be, but you are only wise in your own eyes. Love is what you need; not knowledge, training, or a change in scenery...you need Jesus, man. You aren't too mature to learn. Stay humble, stay hungry.

Sincerely, You (2012).

So Beautiful

Possibly my favorite story about Jesus is from Luke 7:36-50. Simon the Pharisee invites Jesus to an exclusive party of teachers, influences, and swag doctors of the day. To use a line from Batman Begins, the room would be full of a bunch of "sycophantic suck-ups who smile through your teeth at me." This high-brow party full of yuppies and hypocrites would certainly be uncomfortable for the average joe (or Jolene) to attend. Not only would it be uncomfortable, but worthy of harsh punishment. Think about it, would you feel comfortable crashing a party full of rich people? Now imagine you are a lady of the night...careful now. An already uncomfortable situation just got infinitely more awkward.

This prostitute comes in the room with reckless abandon. This woman doesn't care who she is; all she knows is that she is desperate to be close to Jesus. She moves through the crowd of people, some of whom are likely clients, and pours out her perfume on Jesus' feet. This perfume represents her lively hood and her income. She gives up everything to be with Jesus.

She is literally raining down tears onto his feet. Feet are a lowly place in this culture, so this would be the humblest showing of submission and disregard of culture. She goes as far as to kiss his feet; as one does to a king. She is a broken woman before the Lord.

Seeing that she has soaked his feet, she needs to dry them. She doesn't have a towel. All she can do is let down her hair and dry them. This would've been beyond scandalous. A woman letting down her hair? This act is exclusive to intimate relationships, and certainly not for public viewing! Perhaps the Pharisees even thought that Jesus was sleeping with this woman. This woman's intimacy is on full display.

Down his nose Simon looked at them. "If he only knew who that is he's touching..." Jesus probably in righteous anger says simply, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Bring it on," Simon scoffs.

Jesus tells a parable to explain that someone who is forgiven much loves much, but he who is forgiven little loves little. Does that mean that people with a darker past are capable of loving Jesus more that the B.U.I.C.K.'s? That's an issue for you to work out with Jesus yourself. Perhaps what he is saying is that Simon saw himself as righteous, and self-righteousness comes in conflict with loving God. Maybe he is saying that only the broken-hearted can  love Jesus with their whole heart; only people who know they don't deserve the love of God can receive the love of God.

The next section speaks for itself:

⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.

What a slap in the face. "I'm not even going to look at you. All I can see is this woman who is desperate for my love and has showered me with the humblest gifts, while you only have me here for personal gain and publicity." Which one are you?

Jesus then tells her that her sins are forgiven because of her faith, reckless worship, and scandalous humility. Don't you want to be like that? I want that so badly! 

I'm getting closer to being a daddy, and I can't help but imagine my potential daughter(s). Jesus shows this incredibly messed up woman the compassion that only an intimate father-daughter relationship could produce. I imagine Jesus lifting up her face and saying to her tear-filled and swollen eyes "I love you, daughter, and you are so beautiful to me." Imagine this woman's heart breaking immediately. 

"Your sins are forgiven."
Just like that. 

Jesus doesn't need our talent, our charisma, or our strength. To borrow a quote from Timothy Keller "all you need is need." Jesus loves us so deeply in spite of our countless mistakes and he shows us compassion. Let us not be like Simon, who used Jesus for his gain. Let us be like the unnamed woman who risked it all to be intimate with Christ.

Play Fair

One thing that bugs me about discussing God with people is that it's never really fair. Theology seems to be the only study science in which everyone is an expert. What's the deal? I want to try and be fair, set the record straight, level the playing field, etc.

Let's say I don't understand something about Psychology, maybe I don't even like something about it. Who would argue that I am equip to argue with a Psychologist that schizophrenia is made up? What would give me the right to argue with an engineer that a building is stupid because I don't like the way it looks? Ok, weak examples maybe, but the point is this: everyone pretends to be an expert in theology, but not in other studies. Why? Glad you asked.

The cynic, ever-clever, would say something like, "The building and the schizo are real." Here is the presuppositional problem: Science studies the observables> God isn't observable> God is unscientific> faith is contrary to science> religion is for dummies. If religion is for dummies, then any dummy can do it. Faith, after all, is made up so I can make up whatever I want about God! That makes total sense...except I don't make up my religion, God is infinitely bigger than our understanding, and I don't get to call the shots.

The average atheist spends their whole life believing what their teachers tell them and suppressing the possibility of a God, all the while getting further from honest exploration of life. It would take an extremely honest agnostic to actually study the Bible and give it a chance. If we are honest, not many of us are willing to give Origin of Species much of a chance (although it does collect dust on my shelf alongside Reason for God by Timothy Keller). So let's be honest with each other!

If you were honest: -You are out of your range of expertise. "But I've read the whole Bible; five times even." Wow *clap clap* you got it down then. Don't be absurd, there are people devoting their entire lives to the study of the Bible, don't sell it short of a legitimate science.
-God isn't appealing to you. I mean, he makes you do stuff sometimes! God is hard to believe in because we can't fit him under the slide or in a test tube. Sometime you don't want to believe.
- You haven't been fighting fair. You live out the fallacy that "God is illogical, therefore he doesn't exist." You know better than that.
- You may be more afraid of the consequences of being wrong. You know the stakes if you are wrong, and that's a lot to lose if you've been wrong.

If I am being honest: -There are many things I don't know about God. That doesn't scare me. What kind of God would I serve if I could know everything about him? (answer: small god).
- There are even things I don't like about God. I don't like that he ordered people killed in the OT, I don't like that he allows injustice, and I don't like that he is in charge sometimes. But then I remember that he is God, and that's not a cop-out answer, it's reverence and fear.
- I can't empirically prove God. That used to bug me more, but I know more than ever that God is at work and that he is more real than anything.
- I have been arrogant. The reason you don't believe may be because people like myself treat you like you're an ignorant fool or like you aren't allowed to ask question. Forgive me!
- Many of my brothers don't know why they believe and couldn't articulate it if they did. There has been an atmosphere of Don't ask Don't tell around the church. That's played-out; ask away! Email me, Facebook, Tweet, text, snailmail, telegraph (maybe not), just ask!

For Christians: You will never argue someone to Christ. You are working on two totally different intellectual playing fields. The reality is that the heart has to break first, and who can do that? Be prepared to answer questions that someone might have, but don't forget that it is God who can change the human heart.

I hope I was helpful. Again, feel free to ask me any question you have and I may answer "I don't know" but I'm not afraid of your questions and neither is God. Faith without question is blind, and that's not God's desire. Let's all agree to play fair now.