The Key to Talking to Anyone about Anything

If you haven't noticed, people say a great deal of stupid things. It's probably not true, but doesn't it seem like everything is more controversial than it used to be? I don't know if it's because of the increasingly ravenous news industry, or if it's our cute little social media tirades, but stuff just gets blown waaay out of proportion these days. I know for sure that social networking has given people the mirage that they have teeth to their arguments, but it's only as they sit by themselves in front of a computer screen (as I am doing now). People say things that I know they wouldn't be saying to someone's face. So I think it would be helpful to you and I both to lay down some ground rules when talking to anyone about anything (of significance).

5) Face-to-Face
Anything worth talking seriously about is worth meeting face-to-face. I understand there are situations in which that isn't possible or practical, but meeting with the person shows that they are worth your time to talk to. It should be obvious, but don't ever talk about the deep topics online. People are a lot bolder, and therefore more crass, when they are online. Facebook arguments bear literally no fruit, and are usually harmful (I have been guilty, and I'm ashamed). One last note, if you struggle with online arguements, don't read YouTube comments (they are faith shattering).

4) 360° View
I've hear it said that part of the reason Abraham Lincoln was such a great politician was because of his uncanny ability to understand both sides of the issue. It is crucial that when you are talking to someone, that you understand where they are coming from. If you can't even fathom why someone thinks the way they do, then you are probably arrogant/ignorant and have no business talking about life issues. I think this sort of thinking would be valuable when talking about gay marriage, for example. I try to imagine what it would be like for someone to tell me that God would hate it if Amy and I got married. Of course that sounds offensive, that's the love of my life! There will be times that you simply cannot relate to somebody, and please don't pretend to, but you owe it to others to try and understand their motive for thinking the way they do.


3) Intimacy
A big reason that much of Christian evangelism fails is because of a lack of intimacy. You are trying to change a person's worldview, their very core being, without being friends first? That doesn't work in any arena. If you want to change someone's views on something, they need to see you live it out. It means nothing to me if Michael Jordan promotes Hanes underwear; it means a heck of a lot more if my buddy Sam Landis promotes Hanes. Weird example perhaps, but you get the point.



 2) Honesty
I have blogged about this subject at length before, but being honest with them and with yourself is super important. Let's be honest, their are some mass murders in the Bible that are kind of tough to understand. There are some ways we talk about God that sound really cheesy to most people, just be honest about that. Be honest that other people have good ideas too, and they have some legit questions that deserve an answer. There is a really thought-provoking song by Propaganda called "Forgive Me for Asking" in which he exposes some of the blinders that people put on their eyes, especially with regards to religion. I think honesty starts with deep reflection. Pair this practice with tip #4 and you can critique your own beliefs by asking questions that people are really asking. You may have to struggle through some things, but you will honestly believe in the end.


1) The most important trait when conversing over important matters is very possibly the key to living a godly life- humility. If pride is the root of all sins and the opposite of God, then humility may be the mark of a changed heart. Humility is deeply linked with #2, but we need to understand that we are not experts on...anything. We are people with limited knowledge and limited capabilities to even understand things. This may rock your world, it may even crush your spirit, but sometimes...you are wrong. *gasp* I don't know when everyone started thinking that they were supposed to be right about everything. Of course I think I'm right (otherwise I wouldn't think that way) but I am also willing to admit that there are things I don't know and will change my opinion if there's a good reason to. Speak to others with the gentleness that comes from humility.


There you have it- gun control, money, religion, sports, food, or whatever. Now you are equip to talk to anyone about anything. Be humble, or be quiet!

What's the Big Deal with Sex?

I was thinking the other day about sex, which I'm allowed to do, and I found myself thinking "Why is sex outside of marriage a sin?" I get the whole "Do not murder" thing, and stealing, lying, jealousy, anger, etc. I understand those, because they can really hurt other people. But why sex? I realize there are many times sex is harmful to others (and I'll explain that later) but most of the time people have sex they don't consider it a big deal and both people leave all the happier. So why is God such a stickler about sex?

Sex is a metaphor deeply rooted in the Old Testament. Many times, especially in the prophets, God uses adultery as a metaphor for Israel's unfaithfulness to him. Take a look at some of the OT references for "lust" and "adultery" and you will see that they are used literally less times than figuratively. Look at Jeremiah 3, Ezekiel 23, and the whole book of Hosea. Ezekiel 23 gets very graphic (makes my list of naughtiest Scriptures). Hosea is actually told by God to marry a prostitute (Gomer)  and take care of her. Several times over, God uses the prophets to convict the Israelites of committing adultery with idols and false gods. Why the awkward metaphor?

I think it's critical that we understand the way God made sex. He invented it along with the creation of humans, and commanded them to do it! Pretty sweet commandment. He made it for procreation, of course, but he also made it the most intimate, connecting bonding of a man and a woman. Intimacy is such a deep neurological bond, and adultery is a violent breaking of that bond. [I tried to find a good link for the psychological connections made by sex, but the websites all contained some kind of awkward picture, so you'll just have to trust me.] I think people who have had meaningful sex can understand what I'm talking about, whether for good or for bad. God, on the physiological and psychological levels, made sex for 1 pair of intimate partners.

To answer the question, I would say that sex outside of marriage is a big deal because of the way God designed sex. Intimacy by definition is not something to be shared with anyone and everyone. God made the gift of sex and he put its boundaries on marriage because that is simply how he designed it. I can't really argue with that.

We all "know" that extramarital sex and homosexual sex is a sin, but I am always hearing questions as to why. Hebrews 13:4, and 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:40 are two very clear commands to remain a virgin until marriage (among many others). I also keep hearing that the law against homosexuality is exclusively an OT thing, but that isn't true either (Romans 1:26-27). God has designed sex for a particular purpose, whether we like it or not. One last caveat, lust for a woman outside of marriage is just as much a sin as a man lusting for a man. Christians get a little to hung up on the homosexual thing, and are much more forgiving of heterosexual lust; both are sins.

The final metaphor for sex that I want to highlight is that of Ephesians 5 and Revelation 21. The ultimate point of sexual intimacy and marital faithfulness is to reflect the love of Jesus for the Church. The prophets wailed about Israel's unfaithfulness and the epistles warn against sexual immorality because God is making a point. Just like he is preparing the bride (the church) for the wedding ceremony of Rev 21, so too he is preparing us for faithfulness with our spouses. Your purity and your marriage are an act of sharing the Gospel. Your purity is a direct reflection of Christ's love for us. So when we fail in sexual immorality, we are damaging the imago dei and the picture of Jesus.

I have said it before, but because of the times we live in, the purity talk is much more a "damage control" talk. Many reading this have probably been unfaithful sexually, and it's far too late to talk about keeping your virginity. But just like God with Israel, and just like Jesus with the unfaithful church, you are continually being re-purified for the wedding banquet. What has God given to us, and we messed up, that he cannot restore? So I encourage you to stay pure, whether that is a continuing action or a new start.

What's the big deal about sex? Purity is an act of evangelism and a prelude to the wedding banquet.