Struggle (part 1)

With this blog post, I just want to be honest and share some of my humanity and weakness. I prayed about this one for a long time, and have been thinking about it for over a month. This post is just about my struggle and my pain. It's going to be more than one part because I have a lot on my mind.

Life is hard; not just tough, but vicious. I struggle with sin, and how it seems to want me more than God does. I hate how I can find it more appealing than grace. I can't seem to grasp the fact that no matter what I do, I can't earn grace. Sometimes I feel like I have taken one too many soundings of the depths of God's love and mercy. I guess that is a good struggle to get to have, but it is painful at times. I know that I want God more than anything, yet I'm so content with settling for less over and over again. I feel just like Paul in Romans 7, who noticed this struggle juuust a few years before I did.

I struggle with loving people like i should. Sometimes I get the selfish thought that people just slow me down and that maintaining relationships is more of a hastle than it's worth. I know that isn't true, and it hurts me. I love people, and I care deeply for them. I just don't express it  enough, or in the best way. Another struggle with people I have is that people tend to think your a completely disconnected or "falling away" if you aren't as close with that person. It's so frustrating when people make assumptions about you because they just don't know you as well. I don't want to be the judge of someone based on a lack of knowledge about them.

I struggle with growing, because I want to do it every day and don't. Because I don't grow as fast as I wish I could.

I struggle with why people see me as inapproachable. I want to be someone who always seems open to talk. I want to be a person who you would call at 5 am because you know I will care enough to listen. I don't want to ever seem condescending or stuck up. I don't want to seem too weak or too strong, but someone who is humble as dirt. I don't want to be "right" or wise, I just want to be "there."

In giving advice I also find another struggle. I'm still young in every sense of the word, and I'm still kind of raw. Sometimes I get more caught up in rebuke that encouragement. I struggle with balancing the two. So if I do slap you on the hand, just know that I wouldn't do it if I didn't care a lot. Again, I'm not trying to be right, I'm just trying to help you reach higher.

I struggle with with trust, in two ways. I trust people very quickly and easily, but it has been broken by many people. Some of my closest friends have betrayed me in the past, and I have lost some of them. I have done the same to a few, and received grace. I just want to be able to trust people and not regret it. It also pains me to desire trust from people who have been lied to for so long. Other people have ruined trust for the rest of us. I hate the feeling of ensuring someone with such fervor that you are telling the truth, yet knowing they don't believe you. I wish trust was easier.

I know everyone who reads this can relate to some of these. Let me know on the comments if you share the same struggles, or share a different one. If you're reading this, I hope you know that I love you, and that there is One who loves you even more.

Bored to Death

I'm starting to hate boredom. I'm not talking about a grudge, I HATE it. I hate boredom because it of all the problems it causes, and because of its origin. A lot of people would say that the Bible is boring. Really, the creative and redemptive story of mankind is boring? It is the story of our family line, and of history altering battles. Yeah, that book is boring, but Twilight and Harry Potter are thrilling...Even if you aren't religious the Bible is thrilling. Just remember that it's non-fiction.
Church is boring too right? Same old guy giving you the same old message. Church isn't all about the preacher or the music, it's about family. The church is the bride of Christ, not 2 hours on Sunday mornings.
There is a lot of sitting at home bored too. Why complain about being bored at home when you have a car and cash in the bank? Why not go out and do something with the resources we've been blessed with? Don't turn into somebody who complains about an easily fixable situation.
Here's the worst part about boredom- it becomes sinful. Boredom is a little tiny virus that infects the whole body. We sin when we are wrapped in boredom. Men will sit in front of a t.v. alone and surf the channels for some skin because we are bored. Women will scrape up some gossip because it's something better to do than what they're doing at the time. Most of us will eat when we're bored. We aren't hungry, but it's something to do right? Lust, gossip, gluttony are all easy distractions. Why are we bored enough to do that?
Grace must not be so amazing to some people. We are acting like grace isn't enough to keep us satisfied. Are we bored of that? Is playing it safe with your boyfriend/girlfriend so that you can have a pure marriage boring? Is watching movies without cussing and nudity too boring? Is God's glory, his purpose, his magnificence too boring for our fickle little brains? We are becoming bored to death. The wages of boredom is sin, and the wages of sin is death. I'm not crazy about being a dead man.
How are we supposed to avoid this deadly problem? It's simple, do all kinds of boring, hard things. Read you Bible, pray alone intimately with your Father, pray with your fellow saints, stay clear of R rated type stuff, work hard at your job, leave no question in anyone's mind that you belong to Jesus Christ. Stop being bored, and start being radical. We can't afford armchair Christianity.They will know us by our love, saints.

Quick Thoughts

- Would you still follow Jesus if there was no afterlife? I know that would eliminate the major reward of eternity in heaven, but is your finite life really better because of Jesus?
- The cross doesn't belong in the church, it may stain the new carpet. (quote I heard). Make sure that the physical church never becomes more important than the real church.
- In the movie Constantine, a demon kills Shia Lebouf after he exercises a different demon. I'm not sure that such a thing happens to a Christian, but are you fighting evil so hard that the devil wants you dead. The demons who attacked the Seven Sons of Scheva recognized the name of Paul. Do the demons recognize our names?
- If you won the lottery, wouldn't you claim it immediately? You have been given the gift of grace, and you won't except it out of pride.
- Everyone is very weird, veeery weird, but some people just choose to hide it more. Example: Every male thinks about what they would do in the event of a zombie apocolypse, but not every male would dare to admit it. Others play Fallout 3 for hours as a means of training. So don't be so quick to deem someone "weird."
- Why is it that when someone is trying to live radically better, and change the way they act to  be more encouraging, we get so suspicious? Why do we always assume that the person is being fake? How are we supposed to change the world if our own brothers and sisters won't build us up, or let us build up others? We are here to encourage them, not to investigate and judge.
- These are small thoughts that are way to short for individual blogs. I love you, thanks for reading.