The Key to Talking to Anyone about Anything

If you haven't noticed, people say a great deal of stupid things. It's probably not true, but doesn't it seem like everything is more controversial than it used to be? I don't know if it's because of the increasingly ravenous news industry, or if it's our cute little social media tirades, but stuff just gets blown waaay out of proportion these days. I know for sure that social networking has given people the mirage that they have teeth to their arguments, but it's only as they sit by themselves in front of a computer screen (as I am doing now). People say things that I know they wouldn't be saying to someone's face. So I think it would be helpful to you and I both to lay down some ground rules when talking to anyone about anything (of significance).

5) Face-to-Face
Anything worth talking seriously about is worth meeting face-to-face. I understand there are situations in which that isn't possible or practical, but meeting with the person shows that they are worth your time to talk to. It should be obvious, but don't ever talk about the deep topics online. People are a lot bolder, and therefore more crass, when they are online. Facebook arguments bear literally no fruit, and are usually harmful (I have been guilty, and I'm ashamed). One last note, if you struggle with online arguements, don't read YouTube comments (they are faith shattering).

4) 360° View
I've hear it said that part of the reason Abraham Lincoln was such a great politician was because of his uncanny ability to understand both sides of the issue. It is crucial that when you are talking to someone, that you understand where they are coming from. If you can't even fathom why someone thinks the way they do, then you are probably arrogant/ignorant and have no business talking about life issues. I think this sort of thinking would be valuable when talking about gay marriage, for example. I try to imagine what it would be like for someone to tell me that God would hate it if Amy and I got married. Of course that sounds offensive, that's the love of my life! There will be times that you simply cannot relate to somebody, and please don't pretend to, but you owe it to others to try and understand their motive for thinking the way they do.


3) Intimacy
A big reason that much of Christian evangelism fails is because of a lack of intimacy. You are trying to change a person's worldview, their very core being, without being friends first? That doesn't work in any arena. If you want to change someone's views on something, they need to see you live it out. It means nothing to me if Michael Jordan promotes Hanes underwear; it means a heck of a lot more if my buddy Sam Landis promotes Hanes. Weird example perhaps, but you get the point.



 2) Honesty
I have blogged about this subject at length before, but being honest with them and with yourself is super important. Let's be honest, their are some mass murders in the Bible that are kind of tough to understand. There are some ways we talk about God that sound really cheesy to most people, just be honest about that. Be honest that other people have good ideas too, and they have some legit questions that deserve an answer. There is a really thought-provoking song by Propaganda called "Forgive Me for Asking" in which he exposes some of the blinders that people put on their eyes, especially with regards to religion. I think honesty starts with deep reflection. Pair this practice with tip #4 and you can critique your own beliefs by asking questions that people are really asking. You may have to struggle through some things, but you will honestly believe in the end.


1) The most important trait when conversing over important matters is very possibly the key to living a godly life- humility. If pride is the root of all sins and the opposite of God, then humility may be the mark of a changed heart. Humility is deeply linked with #2, but we need to understand that we are not experts on...anything. We are people with limited knowledge and limited capabilities to even understand things. This may rock your world, it may even crush your spirit, but sometimes...you are wrong. *gasp* I don't know when everyone started thinking that they were supposed to be right about everything. Of course I think I'm right (otherwise I wouldn't think that way) but I am also willing to admit that there are things I don't know and will change my opinion if there's a good reason to. Speak to others with the gentleness that comes from humility.


There you have it- gun control, money, religion, sports, food, or whatever. Now you are equip to talk to anyone about anything. Be humble, or be quiet!

What's the Big Deal with Sex?

I was thinking the other day about sex, which I'm allowed to do, and I found myself thinking "Why is sex outside of marriage a sin?" I get the whole "Do not murder" thing, and stealing, lying, jealousy, anger, etc. I understand those, because they can really hurt other people. But why sex? I realize there are many times sex is harmful to others (and I'll explain that later) but most of the time people have sex they don't consider it a big deal and both people leave all the happier. So why is God such a stickler about sex?

Sex is a metaphor deeply rooted in the Old Testament. Many times, especially in the prophets, God uses adultery as a metaphor for Israel's unfaithfulness to him. Take a look at some of the OT references for "lust" and "adultery" and you will see that they are used literally less times than figuratively. Look at Jeremiah 3, Ezekiel 23, and the whole book of Hosea. Ezekiel 23 gets very graphic (makes my list of naughtiest Scriptures). Hosea is actually told by God to marry a prostitute (Gomer)  and take care of her. Several times over, God uses the prophets to convict the Israelites of committing adultery with idols and false gods. Why the awkward metaphor?

I think it's critical that we understand the way God made sex. He invented it along with the creation of humans, and commanded them to do it! Pretty sweet commandment. He made it for procreation, of course, but he also made it the most intimate, connecting bonding of a man and a woman. Intimacy is such a deep neurological bond, and adultery is a violent breaking of that bond. [I tried to find a good link for the psychological connections made by sex, but the websites all contained some kind of awkward picture, so you'll just have to trust me.] I think people who have had meaningful sex can understand what I'm talking about, whether for good or for bad. God, on the physiological and psychological levels, made sex for 1 pair of intimate partners.

To answer the question, I would say that sex outside of marriage is a big deal because of the way God designed sex. Intimacy by definition is not something to be shared with anyone and everyone. God made the gift of sex and he put its boundaries on marriage because that is simply how he designed it. I can't really argue with that.

We all "know" that extramarital sex and homosexual sex is a sin, but I am always hearing questions as to why. Hebrews 13:4, and 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:40 are two very clear commands to remain a virgin until marriage (among many others). I also keep hearing that the law against homosexuality is exclusively an OT thing, but that isn't true either (Romans 1:26-27). God has designed sex for a particular purpose, whether we like it or not. One last caveat, lust for a woman outside of marriage is just as much a sin as a man lusting for a man. Christians get a little to hung up on the homosexual thing, and are much more forgiving of heterosexual lust; both are sins.

The final metaphor for sex that I want to highlight is that of Ephesians 5 and Revelation 21. The ultimate point of sexual intimacy and marital faithfulness is to reflect the love of Jesus for the Church. The prophets wailed about Israel's unfaithfulness and the epistles warn against sexual immorality because God is making a point. Just like he is preparing the bride (the church) for the wedding ceremony of Rev 21, so too he is preparing us for faithfulness with our spouses. Your purity and your marriage are an act of sharing the Gospel. Your purity is a direct reflection of Christ's love for us. So when we fail in sexual immorality, we are damaging the imago dei and the picture of Jesus.

I have said it before, but because of the times we live in, the purity talk is much more a "damage control" talk. Many reading this have probably been unfaithful sexually, and it's far too late to talk about keeping your virginity. But just like God with Israel, and just like Jesus with the unfaithful church, you are continually being re-purified for the wedding banquet. What has God given to us, and we messed up, that he cannot restore? So I encourage you to stay pure, whether that is a continuing action or a new start.

What's the big deal about sex? Purity is an act of evangelism and a prelude to the wedding banquet.

Who Told You That?

This blog is brought to you commercial free by Genesis 3:11.

Hopefully we all know the setting for this scene, but if not go and read the first two chapter of Genesis first and come back. There are two phrases in the Genesis 3 narrative that really strike me when I read it: the first is God asking Adam and Eve "Where are you?" That is the opposite question for most of us, we want to demand that God reveals himself because he seems to be hiding. Genesis 3 reveals that from the very beginning it has been man that is hiding. The implication: ask yourself where you are before you demand God's revelation.

The second phrase that has a special ring to me is in verse 11, "Who told you that you were naked?" Who told you that? This is one of the most relevant self-esteem questions that anyone could ask. I realize that there are much bigger implications in the narrative, but it is a vital question that we need to ask ourselves today too.

There are two polar opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to unhealthy self-esteem. Obviously, there is too low self-esteem, and there is too high self-esteem. In my dispassion, both seem to be equally pathetic to me (with my 'suck it up' personality) but I forget that they are listening to the wrong voices just like I do sometimes.

For people with low self-esteem, I am tempted to say "suck it up," but instead I encourage you to listen to different voices. Maybe you have a dad who tells you that you are no good, you are disappointing, or they just apathetically acknowledge that you exist. Maybe your peers perceive you as ugly, untalented, goofy, dumb, etc. The only reason that I could tell you to suck it up so bluntly is because I am on the outside. My mom was supportive of me all the time. For some of you reading, though, you haven't been affirmed or accepted nearly as much as you need. My advice to you is to ask these two questions: Who told you that? How does God see you? I guarantee you that God is not the reason for you undervaluing yourself. Read about God's care for his people in places like Romans 8 and Psalm 23. Does God ever make you feel bad? You better believe it. But if you are down on yourself you have to ask "Who told you that?" Don't let Satan make you less that God desires you to be. God thinks highly of you.

To the proud I must say that we are stubborn bunch. I struggle with pride, being a male, and I sometimes forget what God has declared me to be in favor of vain and fruitless pursuits of man's praise. If you think that you are superior because of athletic ability, intelligence, humor, or any other worthless pursuits, just remember who we are. It is by the grace of God that we can take in breath, wake up in the morning, or roll out of bed. We were dead in our sins (Rom 3:23, 5:8) and had no hope. And we want to brag about...what? We need to remember who God is and who we are in light of that. Look at 2 Corinthians 4, Philippians 2, and Psalm 8. You are a pretty big deal, huh? Who told you that?


Any identity apart from the identity found in Christ is worthless. Don't let the world or Satan tell you any different. Whether you are shooting too high or too low, my advice to you is the same-- remember who you are in Christ. Read about it! God might tell you a thing or two.

Where the Demons Hide

In our world today it is truly amazing what we can pass off as acceptable. Just think about it with me for a minute. Here are some things that are legal: smoking, drunkenness, adultery (in certain situations), pornography, strip clubs, abortion, marijuana (kind of), and even prostitution in some places in Nevada.

People willingly sell tobacco which shortens life, inhibits bodily functions, smells crappy, and doesn't even provide anything for the body aside from a buzz. You can get piss-face drunk as long as you are in a private home (and everyone always stays home, and never drives of course). Adultery, as you can read in the linked article, is becoming incredibly common. Porn is destroying the Biblical, or even decent humanistic, view of sex. The average age kids are seeing porn is now 11 (and decreasing). How can that be acceptable--because it's a multi-BILLION dollar industry. Many mayors in the nasty Chick-fil-a ordeal criticized the CEO for saying "I support the Biblical idea of marriage" and they smeared the guy  for "pushing his agenda," and saying "they do not hold the same values as [Philly, Boston, Chicago]. Yet, those cities are home to dozens of strip clubs, bars, and adult stores (what is "adult" about viewing porn?), respectively. But Sam Cathy was out of line...

I am not going to talk about the concept of rape-abortion, but I do have something to say about the can't-keep-my-legs-closed abortions. "It's a woman's body and rights." As Trip Lee says in his song "Beautiful Life" --"don't get me wrong, God agrees that women have rights. That goes for unborn women too, give 'em life." You do not have the right to decide what to do with the life of a baby. No use of shifting terms or redefining "life" can escape the fact that God knit that child together, and it is killed. I know that's heavy, but that is the heart of God, deal with him on that.

I am not going to pretend that the government making those things illegal will do much of anything, and I don't even think the government does/should legislate morality. The government won't change the heart of people. This is a church problem!

That is why it is so important for people of the church to be sanctified and set apart from the same practices of the world. What is even more evil than those things listed above is that those in the church can be engaged in the same things and still be able to preach to people. Those same people can teach Sunday school or talk about purity! Beware your demons, deal with them now or they will consume you to the point where you can carry on with your life and look me in the eyes while your house is filled with scandal. The enemy is prowling around at your door, don't give him a foothold.

The church can't wait every 4 years to have passion about something. Keep your stinking vote, we need to be advancing the kingdom of heaven by getting to the hearts of people. Instead of waiting for legislature to pass a prohibition on all things naughty, we should engage the hearts of the chain smokers, the prostitutes, the strippers, the drunks, the young women who feel like there is nowhere else to go. It should break the church's heart that women feel like there is no other option; they should know that the church will be there to carry her. Instead, all these people assume, usually rightly, that the church will wag their finger instead. We willingly give the government the church's responsibilities.

Maybe we forgot who Jesus is, and what his mission is. Get out there, church.

Answers

Our society is funny, if you haven't noticed. Even in the ultra-conservative, Bible-belt, gun-touting Midwest I can see post-modernity creeping in. Absolute truth is on its way out and subjectivity and relativity are hot. We are so driven by the desire to conquer what is unknown to us, which is in itself not a bad thing, but the quest for answers is a new form of idolatry.

Aside from the obvious irony of the statement "there's [absolutely] no [none] such thing as absolute truth" there is a big problem with the way we view truth. The problem is similar to that of daddy-issues; people have abused the truth constantly to manipulate people toward some agenda. Big surprise, people caught on and don't like to be manipulated. Just as a high school girl thinks all guys are butt holes because of several bad break-ups, so too we think truth is too good to be true. It's a classic case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. We have over adjusted in order to protect ourselves. The truth is, however, that there [absolutely] is absolute truth. People hold truth in such high esteem that they try and protect themselves by keeping the truth unattainable. That's why nobody can just walk in and tell me that there is an absolute authority who gives absolute guidelines.

The problem isn't with truth, it is with God. People don't like God. Ironically, we are so driven by finding the truth, finding answers, that they will bulldoze any truth that isn't to their liking. The problem of pain is the perfect example. Why do bad things happen to good people? God shows us a few things:
1. There are no good people. Genesis 3 and onward reveal that to us. Only Jesus is good.
2. God doesn't care if we demand answers. Who's in charge here?
3. God does as he pleases and doesn't need to explain to you or me why he does what he does.

The story of Job is totally antithetical to our post-modern desires. It would make a good movie (probably staring an emotional Will Smith) until chapter 38. God isn't held accountable for his action, he simply confronts Job in a battle of identities. "Brace yourself like a man. I will question you, and you shall answer me." There is no Hollywood resolution to the problem, no shoot-em-up brawl, and no feel-good reunion. God gives Job the business, and not once does he explain his motives or heart or plans. Why?
Because he is God.
We want answers just like Job, sometimes even yelling to the sky demanding them, but God isn't concerned with answers. He is concerned with who you are and who he is. And thus Job shuts his trap.

The truth stands for us today. Like it or not, God is God. If he was accountable to us, who would he be? If we could fit him in a test tube or under a slide, who would he be? If all he was and is and does could fit in one book, an encyclopedia set even, who would he be? If he fit every one of my expectations for how the world should work, who would he be?

Maybe your problem isn't an intellectual hang-up, maybe it's a problem with submitting to a God who doesn't work on your time by your rules. That doesn't make him any less God. What kind of god works how we want him to? Remember, we don't even know what good is, how are we going to council God?

Stop hiding behind the excuse of subjective truth. Stop running from God because he doesn't satisfy your intellectual taste buds. You may find out that you know a lot less than you think. God doesn't owe us answers any more than a potter owes the clay an explanation.

Am I saying not to ask questions? Heavens no! But I am warning you to examine the heart of your questions. God doesn't demand mindless submission, but by his very nature (omniscient God) it is impossible for us to have all the answers. Take captive every thought and submit it to Christ.

He is God and we are not-- there's your answer.